Everyday we make simple and complex decisions which impact our course in life. With a mix of circumstance, timing and choice, we mix three powerful ingredients to alter our lives in tiny to significant ways.
With every cross-road, we have the ability to change our story. We make new stories and prevent others from materializing.
This is a story that never was.
As I finalized my decision to complete my regional work for my second year visa, it seemed like a time to focus on the necessary steps in order to continue my great adventure. But with several weeks to go, I met a girl.
It was a peculiar time in my life and perhaps, in that way, it was the right time for a peculiar story.
We ended up on three dates squeezed into the last few weeks before my departure. It was the perfect tease; the right amount of time to keep us both curious. We seemed to like each other, but what next? I would be away for four months and her, well… she hadn’t played her hand yet.
I have a theory that people reveal almost everything you need to know about them in the first three dates. Of course, you don’t realize this fact until you reflect on all the little things that happen in an encounter. For most of us though, by the fifth date, we will have likely glossed over the details that happened only several dates ago.
So what did I realize during those first three dates?
I think I realized she was someone I could fall for. That is without a doubt, a bold and possibly dangerous claim.
But I tend to listen to my gut instinct a lot. According to others, I also have a high emotional intelligence meaning I am able to recognize and perceive my own emotions instinctively. In this case, I can notice anomalies in how I normally feel. And I felt different. Good different.
It’s a love story waiting to happen right? So let’s continue with the story.
We continued to talk during the first month and a half while I was at the farm. In fact, we talked everyday. At times, it would seem like we would talk about nothing. Other times we bantered and playfully joked. Things got a bit more serious when I suggested we play a game; a game where we both asked each other three questions everyday. The questions could be about anything and were meant to probe random thoughts, allow us to learn more about each other and create interesting dialogue. It wasn’t long before I was learning lots of interesting things about her.
Another flag went off. I thought she was amazing. The thing with amazing people sometimes is that you don’t always have a handle with what makes them amazing. They aren’t meant to be perfect human beings. They are simply amazing in a what I would call, a holistic way.
Then in the middle of March, she had something important to tell me.
“I’m going back to Indonesia.”
Was I surprised? A little. But like I said, people always reveal things early on. And while I can’t remember if there were hints of this in our first three dates, there were red flags all over the question game we played.
“Is Melbourne really the last stop for you?” She asked.
It’s a romantic idea right? Isn’t that what we all want? Someone to show us that we are worth it regardless of where want to go in life; someone who would be willing to follow you wherever you go.
As much uncertainty that I lived in, I couldn’t say that I could uproot myself from Australia. A huge part of me saw Melbourne as home now. Saying that I would follow her could mean derailing everything that I had been working on for the past two years.
That being said, this is me we are talking about though. Romantic spontaneous me. Of all people, surely I would be willing to move for the right girl.
But I couldn’t say it. Not yet at least. My instincts have been wrong before and I was more cautious now. How much could I really know from three dates and a bunch of text exchanges?
According to Blink, quite a bit.
If I was right, how quickly did I know? Probably in those first three dates. Looking back more precisely, somewhere from date two to the end of date three.
But that was then. Fast forward to two months later and I learned she was seeing someone else; someone who apparently didn’t have a problem with moving when the time comes. It’s the logical move isn’t it?
But for some reason, it feels wrong. It sounds wrong. When she says she has a boyfriend, it stings in a way that it shouldn’t. She should be seeing me.
It’s a bit dangerous to weigh what could’ve been. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I had answered differently. If I let it play out differently, I would probably know her a lot better than how I did then. And then who knows? A lot of unknowns and of course, there is a lot she doesn’t know. She thinks that moving was never on the table. She has no idea.
I’ve stayed cautiously distant since then. It’s the classic, “you know you want to be friends but you can’t get too close because there’s more at stake than friendship”.
We like to find meaning in circumstance, but I’m not sure if I have figured out what this means. Relationships tend to come together when two ingredients come together: the right people, and the right timing.
They say that timing is a bitch. Probably because timing has a lot more to do than mashing two people who can agree on the same wants during a similar period of time.
I’m not 100% sure if this is a finished story. If it is, then it’s another story that never was in my books. That’s unfortunate because unlike most times, I really wanted to see how this one unfolded.
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