How I haven’t met your mother

Kids, when I was young, I thought I would have my love life all sorted out by the time I hit my late 20’s.

After all, most people seemed to get married by that age. Surely, I would meet someone, fall in love and the rest would be history. Doesn’t everyone?

But then life happened.

I learned that life doesn’t have a specific timeline nor does it guarantee anything. When things are going well, it may seem like you’re fated for destiny. When it’s not, you may feel otherwise. Despite being one of the last single friends left standing, I have rarely worried if I would meet someone. Most of my high school friends met someone in University, but I have never had it easy. Combine my constant desire for change, my finicky personality for selection and my ability to find the worst timing and you have a recipe for minimal success.

People often talk about “the one”, but as I went through life, I realized “the one” was a romanticized version of reality. The one you end up marrying seems to have far more to do with timing, state of mind and your readiness to commit to one person than it has to do with love.

Kids, while most people feel they become ready to settle down as they get older, I was quite the opposite.

The more I experienced life, the more I realized I wasn’t ready to meet someone. It’s true that we all want love, but I still needed to make that choice: the choice of making someone my “one”. It was a choice I wasn’t quite ready to make in my 20’s; I was simply having too much fun.

I remember in 2012 when I thought to myself, “What’s wrong with me?”. Why don’t I ever feel anything past liking someone? Later that year, I met two different girls who would remind me that I only needed to meet someone amazing.

My life has diverged far from what I thought it would be, but in many ways I count myself extremely lucky; it’s been a spectacular adventure with an ever-changing plot line. I think as you get older, you realize that you want to look back and say you had lots of amazing stories.

You will want to have stories of your first love.
You will want to say that someone broke your heart.
You will want to learn how to let go.
You will want to remember that intense summer fling.
You will want to have incredible moments of romance when you least expect it.

Every experience has taught me something different and memorable.

And while not everyone will agree, but I think you should do this all before you settle down. When it comes to relationships, it’s surprisingly a lot easier to make a decision of commitment than it is to feel the uncertain freedoms of single-hood.

Of course, everything comes at a price. My price has been the cost of friendships. While not on purpose, I have drifted from the majority of my old high school friends. This past year, it was particularly evident when I didn’t receive a wedding invitation to a handful of weddings. One of those weddings included a fairly close friend that only a few years ago, said that she would be “very sad if I moved away.” How times have changed.

At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, “Has it been worth it?”

I can’t say it hasn’t.

I have so many great stories, from adventurous dates on a hot air balloon to movie moments watching the stars. I mean, how many people can say they shared a first kiss on a beach, or found perfect moments of serendipity?

Kids, it’s true that not knowing if you’ll find “the one” is scary, but life will always be uncertain. Don’t be afraid to seize the moments and see where things take you.

Don’t worry about finding “the one” and instead, live your life as freely as possible.

When it’s all said and done, isn’t that how you want to remember life?

-TUS

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One Comment:

  1. The time will come before you know.
    You are doing well,chester
    Uh

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